


The Crystal Temps Try To Psycho-Analyze Steven

by CaptainJZH (orphan_account)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: But that's what happens when you take dialogue directly from somewhere else, Gen, MST3K - Freeform, May or may not be ooc, The Crystal Temps, brief suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 14:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12584388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/CaptainJZH
Summary: (One of them might have a bit of bias.)Dialogue taking straight from the MST3K episode, "I Accuse My Parents."





	The Crystal Temps Try To Psycho-Analyze Steven

**Author's Note:**

> With apologies to Best Brains.

Peridot: Can upbringing and upbringing alone explain mental illness on the scale of Steven's? I wish, but let's try to map out the trail of his psychosis.

[points to chalkboard]

Connie: We'll give him the benefit of the doubt and go with his hypotenuse that at the center of his madness we'll find: "The Crystal Gems."

Lapis: Yes, the Crystal Gems who, to Steven, lie.

Peridot: And that's fine, but these are not simple, utilitarian lies that satisfy you and me as we interact on a daily basis.

Connie: No, no, no, no. These are elaborate lies. Lapis, if you please.

[Lapis writes "Elaborate Lies" above "Crystal Gems" on board]

Connie: Through which Steven constructs a rigidly cuckoo fantasy world of magical destiny and sacrifice.

Peridot: Then Steven meets a nice young girl.

[points to Connie]

Peridot: Hey Steve-o, here's someone you might wanna confide in! Truth, Steven, truth, truth, truth!

Lapis: Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. Instead, Steven feels the need to [writes on board] Protect Others, while at the same time: Attract Others.

Connie: Which leads to him basically killing himself, even though he's ignorant that he's even doing that! Related back to the elaborate lies, perhaps?! And where in stars' name is the connection to our starting point?!

All Three, gesturing to board: "The Crystal Gems."

Peridot: And we shouldn't forget that Steven's kinda maybe stupid, Connie.

Connie: Pumpkin, if you will.

[camera pulls back, revealing massive floating diorama of Steven's psyche]

Connie: Now we have entered Steven's subconscious, as it spins and twirls to demonstrate today's lesson, that Steven-scale depression is a complex phenomena.

Lapis: Talk about cause and effect! Here are the Crystal Gems, but that's only a piece of the puzzle.

Peridot: Look, there's "Stupid!" Really big!

Connie: And there's so much more! No backbone, oh and an extra, unexplained level of denial!

Peridot: A strange need to sacrifice himself...

Lapis: His complicated haircut...

Connie: His failure in Webelos...

Lapis: And Original Sin, don't forget that.

Connie: So if you're off your dot yourself...

Peridot: Don't look for simple answers. Really get inside yourself and dig deep!


End file.
